Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
