I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
