I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
