oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
