Having a random hookup so left but love u
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Randomize
