The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Girls should come with a carfax report
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
