6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize