Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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