I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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