the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
