how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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