You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We got so high we made milksteak
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
