Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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