dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
