Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
