Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
