Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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