He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
