she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize