If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This beer is not sobering me up at all
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
