My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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