last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
