I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
she told me i tasted like america
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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