I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
