I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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