that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
