I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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