The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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