that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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