I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You were trust falling into bushes
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
