quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize