u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
