Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
