Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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