You're my little dorito
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I need moral support for this bender
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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