i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
