She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
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