I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
