im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
