omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
