I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
