my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
