So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
