The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
