did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
