I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Randomize
