So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
