You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
