I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
