im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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