How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
