i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
