You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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