I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
