he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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