My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
