I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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