I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
