everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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