It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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