i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
