proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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