I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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