Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
