dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
