You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
