I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
