the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
