i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
