That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
