I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
