Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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