this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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