its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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