p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
