im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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