I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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