she was so not down for the gang bang
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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