my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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