Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
