Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
