i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
