it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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