she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
