it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
