btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
