The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
