I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
