There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
