She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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