You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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