Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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