i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
