he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
we should paint friendship bongs
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
