need another drink. this is the easiest way
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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