Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
