Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize