YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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