My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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