Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize