after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
