I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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