Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
