Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
