im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
