thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
