and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
