My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
